Love #3
This one was about nine months after #2. To say that I went crazy and made a lot of bad and sometimes dangerous decisions in those nine months would be one of the biggest understatements made in a long while. I was broken in so many ways, and so sad and depressed and drunk all the time. But, I was only 21 and still resilient, so I didn't break completely.
I met him at work. He was actually a customer instead of someone I worked with. I was a cocktail waitress (doesn't that word just make you chuckle. CockTail. helLO! anyway...) and he was in the Air Force. He was very cute, tall, with beautiful blue eyes. He was kinda shy, but not so much that he wasn't able to hit on me enough to make me notice him in the sea of drunken military guys who routinely tried to get me to do stuff for them or with them. I danced with him the first night I met him, and then he came back the next afternoon for some lunch. We talked cause it was slow, and I poured him a few beers gratis, and then took him home. He had this ridiculous curfew, so he had to leave that night, but he was pretty much at my house every night for about a month. Amazingly, we didn't sleep together for about two weeks. There was a whole lotta making out and stuff, but no sex for two weeks because I liked him and didn't want to give it up to quickly. But once we did, ho boy was it great. We talked a lot, and I learned so much about him. His family was broke, and the area he came from had no jobs, so he joined the Air Force to get training and money for college.
We were very alike, and had some idiosyncrasies in common. It made for an interesting relationship, and we talked about what would happen when he got transferred. I think I would have moved anywhere with him, but I don't know. I thought I loved him, but the way it ended and the fact that it didn't last all that long makes me question my feelings for him. It might have only been infatuation, or it might have been love. I'll never know.
We were out one night, dancing like crazy people, and he decided that he didn't want to go in time for curfew. This was before the time of everyone and their mother having cell phones, so when I wasn't home I wasn't reachable. We stayed out until two, and then went straight to bed, so didn't realize anything was amiss until the phone rang at 5 am. It was his friend and barracks mate calling to say he got busted for not being there and needed to get his ass up to base now. He ended up getting a warning and having to not leave base for a week, but that was ok. I made him a little care package and we snuck into the woods to smoke and...stuff. He got off his restriction, and came down to my restaurant for lunch (I worked nights as a cocktail wench and days as a waitress). God, I can see him in my mind to this day, filling up the whole door to the restaurant. He was in full uniform, blues that day, and I don't think I had seen him in anything but camo gear before that. Jesus, he was beautiful. Anyway, we went back to our thing after he was off restriction, but without the illicit sleepovers.
About two weeks into our little thing, I was in the bathroom at the bar when a bunch of the girls from his troop came in. They were talking about him, not knowing I was in the bathroom. One of them said something about his wife, and I just about died of a heartattack. I just sat there and listened, but they didn't say anything else. I waited for him to get to the bar, and then asked him if he was married. He said no, and I ignored him the rest of the night. I just really couldn't deal with it at all, I had been starting to fall hard for him by that point, and I didn't want to go through another break-up with betrayal liberally added. Anyway, at the end of the night, he was still there and I was ready to talk. I asked again if he was married, and he said "Do you see a ring on my finger?" and other such nonsense. I said no, pulled some wool over my eyes, and trusted him. I'm not one for the suspenseful writing, so I'm sure y'all can tell where this is going.
We had been together for almost two months when he came to my house one day, at an uncharacteristic time. I had been wearing his AF jacket, and he had some other things at my house. He told me, while getting all his stuff, that he had been unexpectedly transferred and was leaving that night for Texas. He said he would call me when he got where he was going, but couldn't tell me any more than that. He also said he loved me and was sorry that he had to leave like that and that he'd call within 24 hours. Of course, I didn't hear from him. I basically shut myself in my room and listened to a CD he had left for three straight days. My friend finally said that I had to call some AF locator number and see if they could give me any information. So I called, and got a really nice guy on the phone who broke some rules and told me where he was. He was still here. He had just signed a housing slip for family housing. He was here, with his pregnant wife. Oh my holy jesus, are you fucking kidding me? The guy broke another big rule and gave me his number. He apologized to me on behalf of all guys in the Air Force, and said it was guys like him that gave all of them a bad name. He was sweet.
I called the number, and he answered. I said "Hi Mick, it's J." Guess what he said? "Oh shit." Yeah, oh shit. He finally told me the truth, which was just ridiculous. He had married a girl he got pregnant from back home the weekend before he met me. He said that he didn't love her, but that he needed to marry her for his kid (this shit again) and to get paid more for having a family or something. I'm sure it was just another pack of lies, but whatever. I don't know. It was horrible. Not as horrible as #2, but still, it didn't feel good even a little bit.
His wife called me the next day, and that was just sad. She said she figured that he would sleep with someone else, but that he had told her I was just some clingy whore who wouldn't leave him alone. That felt wonderful. She found the care package that I had made him, and wanted to know why I did that. I told her he said he loved me, that we had been making plans, and that he was with me when he got in trouble so I wanted to do something to make up for it. He of course hadn't told her anything, and she got really upset when I told her he said he wasn't married. She didn't mind that he had slept with me, but she was horribly hurt that he had denied her existance to me and said he loved me. It was just sordid, all of it.
This is when I learned that most men are liars, to one degree or another, and I had better just stop thinking love was the most important thing otherwise I was going to become a shell of a woman.
I met him at work. He was actually a customer instead of someone I worked with. I was a cocktail waitress (doesn't that word just make you chuckle. CockTail. helLO! anyway...) and he was in the Air Force. He was very cute, tall, with beautiful blue eyes. He was kinda shy, but not so much that he wasn't able to hit on me enough to make me notice him in the sea of drunken military guys who routinely tried to get me to do stuff for them or with them. I danced with him the first night I met him, and then he came back the next afternoon for some lunch. We talked cause it was slow, and I poured him a few beers gratis, and then took him home. He had this ridiculous curfew, so he had to leave that night, but he was pretty much at my house every night for about a month. Amazingly, we didn't sleep together for about two weeks. There was a whole lotta making out and stuff, but no sex for two weeks because I liked him and didn't want to give it up to quickly. But once we did, ho boy was it great. We talked a lot, and I learned so much about him. His family was broke, and the area he came from had no jobs, so he joined the Air Force to get training and money for college.
We were very alike, and had some idiosyncrasies in common. It made for an interesting relationship, and we talked about what would happen when he got transferred. I think I would have moved anywhere with him, but I don't know. I thought I loved him, but the way it ended and the fact that it didn't last all that long makes me question my feelings for him. It might have only been infatuation, or it might have been love. I'll never know.
We were out one night, dancing like crazy people, and he decided that he didn't want to go in time for curfew. This was before the time of everyone and their mother having cell phones, so when I wasn't home I wasn't reachable. We stayed out until two, and then went straight to bed, so didn't realize anything was amiss until the phone rang at 5 am. It was his friend and barracks mate calling to say he got busted for not being there and needed to get his ass up to base now. He ended up getting a warning and having to not leave base for a week, but that was ok. I made him a little care package and we snuck into the woods to smoke and...stuff. He got off his restriction, and came down to my restaurant for lunch (I worked nights as a cocktail wench and days as a waitress). God, I can see him in my mind to this day, filling up the whole door to the restaurant. He was in full uniform, blues that day, and I don't think I had seen him in anything but camo gear before that. Jesus, he was beautiful. Anyway, we went back to our thing after he was off restriction, but without the illicit sleepovers.
About two weeks into our little thing, I was in the bathroom at the bar when a bunch of the girls from his troop came in. They were talking about him, not knowing I was in the bathroom. One of them said something about his wife, and I just about died of a heartattack. I just sat there and listened, but they didn't say anything else. I waited for him to get to the bar, and then asked him if he was married. He said no, and I ignored him the rest of the night. I just really couldn't deal with it at all, I had been starting to fall hard for him by that point, and I didn't want to go through another break-up with betrayal liberally added. Anyway, at the end of the night, he was still there and I was ready to talk. I asked again if he was married, and he said "Do you see a ring on my finger?" and other such nonsense. I said no, pulled some wool over my eyes, and trusted him. I'm not one for the suspenseful writing, so I'm sure y'all can tell where this is going.
We had been together for almost two months when he came to my house one day, at an uncharacteristic time. I had been wearing his AF jacket, and he had some other things at my house. He told me, while getting all his stuff, that he had been unexpectedly transferred and was leaving that night for Texas. He said he would call me when he got where he was going, but couldn't tell me any more than that. He also said he loved me and was sorry that he had to leave like that and that he'd call within 24 hours. Of course, I didn't hear from him. I basically shut myself in my room and listened to a CD he had left for three straight days. My friend finally said that I had to call some AF locator number and see if they could give me any information. So I called, and got a really nice guy on the phone who broke some rules and told me where he was. He was still here. He had just signed a housing slip for family housing. He was here, with his pregnant wife. Oh my holy jesus, are you fucking kidding me? The guy broke another big rule and gave me his number. He apologized to me on behalf of all guys in the Air Force, and said it was guys like him that gave all of them a bad name. He was sweet.
I called the number, and he answered. I said "Hi Mick, it's J." Guess what he said? "Oh shit." Yeah, oh shit. He finally told me the truth, which was just ridiculous. He had married a girl he got pregnant from back home the weekend before he met me. He said that he didn't love her, but that he needed to marry her for his kid (this shit again) and to get paid more for having a family or something. I'm sure it was just another pack of lies, but whatever. I don't know. It was horrible. Not as horrible as #2, but still, it didn't feel good even a little bit.
His wife called me the next day, and that was just sad. She said she figured that he would sleep with someone else, but that he had told her I was just some clingy whore who wouldn't leave him alone. That felt wonderful. She found the care package that I had made him, and wanted to know why I did that. I told her he said he loved me, that we had been making plans, and that he was with me when he got in trouble so I wanted to do something to make up for it. He of course hadn't told her anything, and she got really upset when I told her he said he wasn't married. She didn't mind that he had slept with me, but she was horribly hurt that he had denied her existance to me and said he loved me. It was just sordid, all of it.
This is when I learned that most men are liars, to one degree or another, and I had better just stop thinking love was the most important thing otherwise I was going to become a shell of a woman.
posted by j @ 1:42 PM
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