what to say...sometimes a title just doesn't come

I am so frustrated right now. I decide that I am going to rededicate my life to my son and focus on him. I am happy and content in my life, by myself, just me and the boy. I am actually happy and laughing and feeling good and smiling on my way to work. Then I get an email, and another email, and another email, and they are so good. Then I decide I'm going to jump for it and ask the author of the emails to a wedding. So what if we haven't met before, I've got a good feeling about this guy. We go to the wedding, and we have a FABULOUS time. Truly wonderful and fun and romantic and just good. And then we set up another date, at the only time we can see eachother. That was also fun and romantic and oh so hot. Did I say hot? hot hot hot. I'm so excited and thinking that there is an actual MAN that is quite possibly in my life. It turns out, he is a man. He is a man who has children, and is going through a divorce, and who loves deeply and committedly and has had his heart broken. He is careful with his feelings and is understandably gun shy after the year he has had. He is worried that we won't be able to spend enough time together. He doesn't want to develop more feelings for me knowing that we could quite possibly only see eachother once a week. He doesn't realize that the reason we can't see eachother much is because we're both single parents, not because we work opposite shifts. I am the first person he's dated since becoming a single parent, and he just doesn't know what it's like to try to juggle work and kids and dating. So, it is over. For now. I told him that I knew our schedules weren't optimal, but that I hadn't met someone in three years that I even wanted to try working into my schedule, so I thought it would be worth it to try. He did not agree, because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know that in this area, quality people are very hard to come by. Quality people that you are intellectually and physically stimulated are even harder to come by. He also doesn't understand that between two different visitation schedules, until you've met the others children, you just can't see eachother that much. But, I respect the fact that he just doesn't know, and invited him to get back to me when he's seen what's out there and tried dating others who might have a better schedule than me. He'll see. I know I'll hear from him again, but it sucks that as of right now, I have not only unknowingly added another one night stand notch to my bedpost, but been dumped for my work schedule. Not because I'm a single parent, not because I'm chubby as hell, not because I'm older, but because of my chosen profession. It's like they are inventing things to dump me for, I swear. But I am determined to not be bitter, to not obsess, to keep living my life as I have been, and to keep a little hope alive that I will hear from this wonderful man again when he's had a chance to get a little farther out of his marriage and sampled the merchandise out there. Of course, finding it sorely lacking, he will come running back to me and we'll live happily ever after. Come on, I have to feed myself a little fairy tale every once in a while just to keep going through this.

I'm sure all three of you are breathlessly awaiting an update on THE DATE

So, I'm trying to write this with A LOT of kitty help, but whatever. (they are crawling all over my shoulders and attacking my hair, love it!) Anyway, he did in fact come over yesterday. He was a little late, but not to worry, he texted me to tell me he would be, five minutes before. Does that make any sense? no. he was supposed to be here at 11, so at 5 minutes til 11, he texted me to say that he was getting coffee and would be here in about 10 minutes or so. He is so good about stuff like that. Showing and telling me he will do what he says he will. So he gets here, with pastries, coffee, a newspaper, and champagne "just in case." so damn cute. And then he just talks and asks questions about me and actually listens when I answer. so so nice and refreshing to actually be spending time with someone who is not a selfish bastard. He wanted a tour of my house (which took a total of five minutes as opposed to his house tour which took a good 20 minutes) and just wants to know all about me. AND, he answers, very truthfully, any questions i ask about him.

I'm sure you're all dying to know what happened next. well, i would tell you, but it might turn this blog into a XXX thing. let's just say that, yes, i gave in. if i wanted to rationalize, i would say that the average date lasts about three hours, so technically, our first date encompassed two dates, and our second neatly fit into the third date timeline, but it doesn't matter. I haven't been with someone who makes my stomach feel like it might jump straight outta my mouth when he kisses me in a long time, and i went with it. i did put up a bit of a fight, but he put me at ease. terms like "have faith" and "don't worry, i'll be back" and of course the ever popular "i like your curves" were used, and i gave in. it was a war inside me, which i told him about. i stood up in the middle of our little make out session, and said my body was at war between my inner slut and my innner good girl. you know what he did? i was standing up when i said that, in my fighter pose i guess, and he just grabbed me by the hips, pulled me towards him, and said "release the inner slut, jessi" and i did. so smack me, it was great. this man hasn't been with anyone besides his ex-wife in 14 years. he was so nervous, but at the same time, so good. god, i'm just in big trouble.

of course, i was nervous as fuck about eight hours afterwards, thinking i wouldn't hear from him and that i made a bad bad decision. i had to leave my restaurant, go to my car, and check my phone. no text. shit shit shit. oh shit, i totally fucked it all up. i went to bed not happy.

but, ALAS, when i got up this morning, literally tip toeing up to my phone, THERE WAS A MESSAGE. and it was sweet and cute (saying he had SUCH a good sunday, did I? so cute!!) and now i'm just happy. i don't know when we'll be able to get together again, because our schedules are just completely ridiculous, but i think, I THINK, i might have actually bagged a genuinely nice, grown up, mature, respectful, kinda dirty (in the best possible way) MAN. wow.

just wow.

drum roll please....ready?....I had a DATE!!!

and it was a good date. A really good date, with a really cute and nice and romantic guy. Can we all (I'm just continuing with the illusion that people actually read this) just take a minute and give thanks for this, because i swear to god, I was about to give up men entirely. He is the dating site guy, who approached me and we've been emailing for a few weeks. My friend from a long time ago was getting married, so I bit the bullet and asked him to come with me. He didn't freak about that, and actually arranged childcare and took me. He wanted to know the colors of my dress so he could match his tie (yes, I bought and WORE a dress. shocking!!). He pulled up in a goddamn convertible porsche (his brothers, but STILL) looking totally hot in a nice black suit. He opened the door for me, asked me if I wanted the top up so I wouldn't muss up my hair (I said no, of course, top up? in a porche convertible? HELL NO) and we were off. He asked all kinds of questions, we talked a lot, he was totally comfortable, even though he didn't know anyone. He also danced with me, went outside with me when I had a smoke (he had some too, so no worries about cigarette breath, yay!), ordered for me, and got me out of there when the champagne went to my head and I was in danger of making a fool of myself. He took me to his soon to be sold house, and holy shit was it gorgeous. We made out like teenagers on the couch for an hour(god, I wanted to sleep with him sooo bad, but for once I was good), and then he got me home on time for the babysitter to not be pissed at me. It was fucking perfect, and he is so nice and funny and cute, and I'm just so happy that I didn't get saddled with yet another undesirable man. To make things even better, he texted me this morning asking when we could get together again. Our schedules don't mesh well, but after going over everything, he decided we should have a late breakfast of coffee and pastries on Sunday. At my house. He's bringing all the stuff, so I just have to wait for him to get here(and clean my house, ugh). HE is coming to ME, again. It is so nice to be pursued, I can't even tell y'all. I'm just so happy (and hungover, but whatever!)

One of THOSE guys

Anyone whose worked in the restaurant business will immediately know what I'm talking about when I describe this guy, with one sentence. Said to me after I said the chef would be happy to do that for you, sir. "He better be, I'm paying his salary." I've said it before and I'll say it again, who the fuck do these people think they are?

Backstory: I was so tired last night. We got our asses collectively handed to us this weekend. My restaurant is small, and there are only six waiters on staff. Which is usually fine, and sometimes it's even too many. But you know Murphy and his fucked up laws, one of which states "If your restaurant is slow, everyone is healthy. If your restaurant is busy, people start dying and going into the hospital." One of our servers had abdominal surgery in march, and is still healing, so she's at most 75%. One of our servers is an asshole who takes no help nor direction, thus leaving him as half a waiter. One of our servers is just a dork, although can carry a station well. One of our servers fathers' died, so she had to go out of the country. One of our servers had kidney stones the size of large grapes, and was in the hospital having them lasered. And one of our servers is me, The Queen. (you thought I was going to be the dork, I know it.)* So as we merrily went into the hell of a four day weekend, we were two short of our usual six, and two of the four left barely equaled one. IT SUCKED. I was busy to the point of insanity at least a dozen times in four days, and had just about had enough. Then, of course, instead of getting the 4th off like I wanted, I had to work cause of the above mentioned absences of some of my co-workers. It was a skeleton staff, to say the least, and then this guy comes in. (it took a while, but I'm back to the point.)

He starts off with that chef crack, and just gets worse. He is astonished that I might not be able to give him a double order of zucchini blossoms. HELLO, JACKASS, it's a holiday weekend. We were very busy, NO ONE did any deliveries yesterday, and zucchini blossoms are both popular and don't keep very long. He orders Lytton Springs zinfandel, but when we bring it, he says "No (in a really smarmy tone), I said Ridge Lytton Springs." Well, fuck you very much. Then he starts fiddling with the blinds, mindless of the fact he is blinding other customers. Then he opens two windows, mindless again of the fact that a. we have the AC on, and b. that other guests might not want cold foggy air blowing on them. Then he asks for A1 and horseradish "if you have it (more smarminess)" for his $45 prime steak. And of course, the topper, he tips 11% and acts like he is blessing me with gold and jewels. I should have pulled a Waiting on him and had the chefs add a little extra garnish.

I don't understand the sense of entitlement these people have. The arrogance and assumption that they own the place and can act/treat it like they would their own stuff. It's ridiculous. We did over $1 million in sales last year, does this guy think that his measly dinner of under $200 makes a difference, really? He is so lucky I've been doing this for a long time and am good at my job, otherwise, after the week I had, he would have had that steak in his lap and his A1 all over his botoxed-all-to-hell wife's face.

*All shit talking aside, my servers did a fabulous job in the face of extreme odds. We all kinda looked at eachother, knowing we were going to die, sucked it up, and rocked the fucking house. Sales were through the roof, and except for the people that got "sick" (food poisoning grifters, you don't get food poisoning until a minimum of two hours later, not 20 minutes. lay off the wine and drugs, then you won't get sick you lying bastards!) everyone was happy. It was great. And pretty damned profitable for all that work.