who are you people and why don't you comment??

well, i've gotten a record breaking 132 views. where are you, lovely people? why oh why don't you comment? i want someone to talk to about myself, dammit, respond, respond!!! just kidding (not so much, but i need to tone done the needy, eh?). i'm new to this blogging thing and it just cracks me up how much i long for comments and validation for, like, being me. it's a touch retarded i think.

anyway, how are y'all? how's it going, what's up, whatcha been up to? oh me, well, you know, same old same old. missing my pseudo-boyfriend, trying to figure out how to get enough sleep, christmas shopping, you know. regular holiday shite.

there has been a ban on adult presents this year in my family. i don't know why i'm disapointed, because i really don't get anything anyway. for birthdays or christmas. my family seems to have forgotten me out here on the left coast, and that's fine. i really don't have the money to buy presents for all of them anyway. i'd much rather buy them for myself and my son!! ha. so long as there is sufficient crap for the boy under the tree, that's fine. (aside, do you have any idea what christmas really is? no, well, let me tell you. it's the holiday for your parents to get back at you by buying the most annoying, loud, incessantly horrible presents for your kids. love it!! the only redeeming thing is that most of them are pieces of crap that cannot withstand the rigors of a six year old and will be broken within two weeks.)

what's this about a pseudo-boyfriend, you ask? well, you know, the fiasco. yeah, that one. i'm hooked. i'm a loser. no, i'm not. there's just something about this guy, and until it goes away or it's march, i'm there in the thick of it. why march? oh, cause that's when his year at his job is up and he can leave vegas. what is he going to do? i have no idea. he has a history of making really bad decisions, so he'll probably move to chicago or something and completely ruin our chances for happily ever after (more likely happily ever after a few years and then we'll drive eachother crazy and break up, but i digress). yeah, he's not the kind that follows his heart so much. actually, i think it's more that he's not the kind to make a lot of long term plans, and then he spends the short term paying for not so well thought out plans. doesn't sound so nice, but it's true. what do i think he should do? well, duh. i think he should move here and give me a year like he gives his jobs. contrary to his thinking, there are places he could work here. and then we could do the real relationship thing, and find out if this is for real or not. and then, if it is, we can decide what we really want to do with our lives. stay here and open up a little bistro? heaven. stay here and work for someone else and branch out in a couple of years? sounds great!! move just an hour or two north and live in the city and work at really awesome places? not the best thing, but doable if that's what he needs to increase his working value. but you see, i need the first year here to decide if he's worth all the rest. and he needs it too. otherwise we'll just be in this limbo forever, and that will drive me more insane than i already am.

went to see harry potter yesterday. loved it. just loved it. another little gem out of the mouth of my most amazing boy..."you know mom, two years ago i was in preschool and didn't even know who harry potter was, and now i'm totally into him. it's amazing how things can change in two years." yeah, he's six. yeah, i know, isn't he cool and adorable and amazing?? i know, i love him to death. care to look at how much can change in two years?

i was living with my boyfriend, but knew it was over soon. totally paranoid about having my bills double and not knowing how i was going to get this guy out.

had a four year old who couldn't read that well, couldn't count past 20, and who couldn't sit still for more than five minutes.

getting over pneumonia and epstein-barr virus and still trying to work full time, help at sons school, and go to school for a degree that was doomed from the start.

had the same job, but was in the thick of crazy work mates still trying to get rid of me and psychologically fucking me at every turn.

approaching a time in my life when regular, daily sex was a thing of the past. that's been rough, y'all, really rough.

on the verge of starting up with the fiasco, and not knowing that it would be something that would still affect me deeply two years after it started.

living in a different house and driving a different car.

making at least $10,000 less a year cause i only had to work four nights a week back then.

gosh, what else? a lot of little things, shorter hair with blonde highlights (hadn't discovered my beloved red then yet), a little less weight, a lot more self-esteem, still in my 20's, all that stuff. my son is right, a lot can change in two years. but i say, bring it on!! cause the important things are the same: i'm happy, my son is fed and healthy and funny and smart and cute, and when all else fails i've got my rabbit!!