return of the exes

so i go to see one of them in vegas (not so much an ex as a big fat ???) and then the ex boyfriend shows up at work today. the ex that loved me better than any other. also the ex that drove me crazy with his whining. the ex that i miss a tiny tiny bit when i'm really really really lonely, only because i know he would do something to make me feel better for the moment. and then he would drive me crazy again and i'd have to tell him to take a hike. again.

it was so weird. i haven't talked to him or seen him or anything for almost two years. so one guy from work tells me they saw him on the golf course today. warning one. then another guy at work says there's someone in the kitchen who wants to see me. i saw through that one, but still, warning two. then, another guy from work comes out and says "j, i have a surprise for you" warning three. then another guy goes to say hi to him and comes back to tell me he's going to be in the bar. warning four. so after much teasing and general disorderly conduct, i went to say hello. of course, the king of selfishness hadn't come to see me, i had to go say hi to him. once again, i had to be the adult, but whatever. i went and said hi, he gave me a ridiculous hug, asked me how things were and if i was married again and if i had more kids (???? do you not remember what i said to you when we last talked? no more marriage!!!! duh) and basically that was it. then i came back from the break and all hell breaks loose. (one problem with dating people you work with, everyone knows everything and they all have a whole lotta shit to say.) anyway, one after the other after the other comes to tell me they went to say hi to him and all he could say is how much he misses me and how much he loves me and how i'm his true love and yadda yadda yadda. jesus, i could have told you all that. there are very few, if any, men that i have loved and then left who didn't want me badly after i was gone. finally pulled their heads out of their asses and realized how great i am. call me conceited if you want to, it's the truth. i'm one of those women who men don't appreciate until i'm gone. he fucked up, made the wrong decision, and i was done so i didn't fight for it when he left. now, and for the last two years apparently, he's missed me and still loves me and wants me back. sorry, you haven't changed, and i don't want you in my life anymore. i feel bad for it, but....ya gotta move on cause i'm not doing it again. i could, if i wanted to be loved like crazy, but i'd be with someone that i don't love like crazy and who thinks totally different things about kids than i do, and just totally not me at all. no thanks. i could be with him, or my ex husband for that matter, if settling for something that's not good for me is what i want. i don't want that. i want someone who fires me up, who i'm comfortable being me (in all my glory and my not so glory) with, who makes me laugh, who digs me for me and not for some image they have in their head about how i should be, someone who knows me and appreciates it and doesn't get pissed off about it. someone who wants me for who and what i am and revels in it. so there.