mother's day

usually, mother's day sucks for me. i've always had these visions of getting a mother's day like the ones they have on tv. waking up late to the sounds of my man and my boy making me breakfast in bed, lazing around in bed for an hour and then getting presents. presents that include jewelry and a spa gift certificate. then my man saying "honey, i'm taking the boy to the park, you go get a massage and your nails done. relax and have fun and i love you for being the best mom ever." and then of course, he surprises me by getting a babysitter and takes me out for some swank dinner with champagne and promises to do things to me that will make my eyes roll back when we get home. is that so much to ask, really?

anyway, enough with the fantasy land. it's not going to be like that for me who knows how long, so i have to make due with what i have. in the past, my son has been with his dad (visitation, split custody, yada yada), and his dad will bring the boy over to give me flowers or something, they hang out for about 20 minutes, and then i'm miserable and figure going to work can only make it worse, right?? i always thought that since i didn't have my son, i should just work anyway, but then when i got there i would be totally miserable and unhappy and grouchy. so last year i took the day off and did nothing by myself. this year, i decided i wanted to actually spend some time with my son on mother's day. you should have seen the look the ex gave me. "i'm going to go to big sur with my mom in the afternoon, and i want to take the boy." "oh....ok.....i was going to take him to see my mom and granny in the afternoon.........but i'll change my plans." you see, this is the thing with my ex. he is one of those charming individuals who think that the world does in fact revolve around them. he cannot fathom that i would have the gall to make plans that might impact him in the least. he also cannot comprehend when i stand up for myself and not let him walk all over me. and, of course, he's a man so he gets jealous and totally weird if there's even a whiff of another man in my life. you should have seen the shit storm i had to deal with when i went away with the fiasco for the weekend. holy crap. i think there were actually threats of police involvement that time.

anyway, so i call the ex and tell him 1 o'clock or so, and get my mom steered in the right direction (the woman has no sense of time at all) and go over there. the ex doesn't show up with the boy until 2 (grrrrr, passive aggressive bullshit) and we finally hit the road at 2:30. we stopped in carmel for cheese and deli stuff, and head on down to big sur. MY GOD, it was beautiful. i love this place. just freaking love it. it was a perfect temperature, low 70's, good for top being down but not too hot, it was mostly clear, and not that crowded. we went to the cutest little beach with purple sand, and set up a little camp, around four o'clock. my son was being so damn cute. he was trying to help with everything, and brought along a little tent of his own. he told me to sit down and he would take care of everything "cause it's mother's day, mom." he put that tent together like a pro. then he gets this wild hair and decides he wants to start a fire with sticks. my mom and i were humoring him, and told him to get some dry grass and small twigs, and we were going to leave it at that. and he rubbed those sticks together a long time, and got really into it, but no one has the patience to start a fire like that, especially a 7 year old boy. but then i thought, what the hell, let's have us a beach campfire. i got some napkins and shred them up, piled everything up, whipped out my trusty bic, and wala!! fire on the beach. he kept scurrying around, gathering wood, and i was head fire keeper. my mom and he went off to search for the best rocks and gatherings of purple sand, and i just sat on the beach, relaxing and tending the (home)fire. it was one of those perfect days. almost no trouble out of the boy, i was entertained but not overly so (i tend to get bored when i try to do something like that with my son. because he'll either be all over me trying to get me to do what he's doing, or totally ignoring me. he was just right this time.) i was relaxed and fed good food, and my boy was just precious, and of course it's so nice to spend a day with my mom. we don't get to do it often enough. so, evidently, there are other perfect mother's days to be had than the one they put on tv.

quote of the day from my boy: "if we have a tent and a pot, everything else we need is in nature, mom. everything else."

we ended up having so much fun, and didn't bring watches or anything, that when we asked someone for the time, it was shocking to find it was 7 o'clock. we had to get back for survivor (my mom is addicted) and then the day was over. i came home, drank some wine, starting knitting a friends scarf, and went to bed happy and relaxed. a damn good day.